ONE OF MY core lessons for life over the past few years has been the need to constantly give myself the permission to agree that there’s a possibility that what I hold to be true in my mind could be fundamentally flawed or even “completely” wrong.
In my interaction with people especially my audience and clients, I’ve noticed a recurring pattern which is a persistent desire to reemphasize our “own” opinion or views with the primary goal to nullify the opinion and views of others.
Notice that I put “own” in quote. There’s a reason for that. What I figured out recently is that what we call our own opinion is nothing more than mere extensions and reflections of maps we collected from our social environment.
They are basically viewpoints we collected by association from our backgrounds and personalized by practice. Now we dare call them our own opinions. And we hold fast to them to the extent that they hinder us from accommodating other views.
This morning I wish to share a few points which I hope will help us in our journies of personal evolution and transformation.
I believe that the biggest obstacle to our greatness is our inability to shift our perspectives from time to time.
Let me begin by stating some key points.
Perception Isn’t Always A Reality.
What you think to be true may not be consistent with reality. In this sense, there should be no fixed limit to any ideology you have in your subconscious. You need to accept the fact that there’s the possibility that such ideology could be wrong or perhaps, a half truth.
By such rationality, you give yourself the permission to expand your awareness and enlarge your knowledge base.
Perfection Can Be A Limitation.
I recall a mind-shift event I facilitated sometime ago where I made some mind-boggling statements like, “your destiny is not in God’s hands.”
This statement demobilized most of my audience who all their lives have come to believe that their destiny is in God’s hands.
I’ve noticed recently why most critical people are the way they are. I’ve figured out why they can go the length of throwing abuses and lambasting someone for saying something that doesn’t agree with their map of reality.
It is not really about the statement made as it is of the feeling of threat the statement provokes within them.
The fear that what they have believed to be true all their lives could be wrong, which inadvertently implies that they have exhausted their energy and strength for “nothing” is why they keep up with such dangerously critical attitude.
It is this fear that makes us always want to assert our own views even when it becomes clear to us that the other person is making a very strong point.
I am not against someone expressing his/her views neither am I attempting to say you cannot disagree with an opinion. No, that’s not the point.
There are three implications here:
First is understanding the fact that everyone has a view which must be respected, whether it agrees with yours or not.
Second is being able to disagree with an opinion in a profitable manner. Focus on the person’s opinion not the person per se. There’s no need attacking or tongue-lashing the person.
Third, you have to establish that the purpose of your argument is not really to assert or impose your views on others but to stimulate a process that will cause you to expand your awareness and possibly get others to shift their own perspective too.
Truth is, you cannot truly know if your views are correct, and to what degree they are consistent with reality, until you expose it to open confrontation by other views, especially ones that are contradicting.
YOU WILL NOT ALWAYS BE RIGHT.
Yes! It’s important to establish that as a fact.
We naturally detest the idea of being wrong. For most of us it translates into acceptance of defeat. This is another reason we fight to assert our “own” views.
Sadly, this fundamental defect in human behavior, according to my findings, is cultivated in us by the school system where we are trained to see everything from the angle of right or wrong, pass or fail, good or bad. (This issue and its debilitating effect shall be highlighted in my upcoming ebook, (THE LIES THEY TOLD US IN SCHOOL).
Truth is this: nothing is completely right and nothing is completely wrong. There are no absolutes in life. Something may appear right in one context but appear fundamentally flawed when brought into another context.
The key therefore is not to focus on who’s right and who’s wrong. Focus on the CONTEXT. The degree of CORRECTNESS of any ideology is directly related to the CONTEXT of the discussion.
More so, that your view is wrong does not make you wrong. It makes you better. Acknowledging that someone else’s opinion is better than yours is not an acceptance of defeat, it is an expression of maturity. It means giving yourself the opportunity to share in the dividends that comes with engaging in a highly enlarging process…
Prince Okwuosa 